I think everyone should agree that love is a beautiful thing.
Growing up, I thought love was so beautiful, for me it was untouchable and was only there to be observed. Hence, “I’m not the type of girl, guys fall in love with it.”
To put it simple, it’s like wanting to buy something, but you couldn’t. You know you want that pair of Louboutin heels, but it was way unaffordable. So, you just never wish for it anymore.
In my case, after waiting a while, I could finally buy that heels that I have always wanted, and it turns out that I actually hated the feel of it. I hated the feeling of love and relationships.
After a few months, I realized the key of having a good relationship is self love. You might often hear that if you want to love others, you have to love yourself first. I was thinking very negatively of myself back then, that’s why love didn’t turn out so well.
The way I see it, good committed relationships has to have two things. Trust and good communication.
Lack of self love often leads to lack of self confidence. And lack of self confidence often leads to lack of trust and good communication. When someone has an unstable relationship with themselves, they tend to get insecure and defensive. Insecurity leads to lack of trust, and defensiveness leads to lack of good communication.
That might seem hard to understand. So, here’s a scenario. Let’s say your partner is going to work on a school project with their ex-lover.
By being insecure, you’ll most probably think irrationally, that your partner is going to do things you don’t want them to do to you. While that’s called lack of trust, that will also lead to either possessiveness or lack of communication, which could also be caused by being defensive.
By being defensive, you’ll most probably deny the fact that you feel a little jealousy. Jealousy is a normal thing, when you’re bonded close with someone. You just have to be honest with your significant other. Most of the time, people forgot that by not telling their partners, they accidentally created a wall in the relationship.
I’m not a professional psychologist, I’m a science major high school student, so I don’t study sociology and how social interactions actually work. But, here’s my intake on how important self love is based on my experience.
Instead of wishing for someone to love you just the way you are, we should learn to love ourselves just the way we are first.
I still think that love is a beautiful thing.
I hope you do too.